Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
