i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I lost the right to judge tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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