this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
