Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
