I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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