new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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