i think my tv is drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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