You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
