I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
