Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
