i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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