Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
