all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
