Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
