i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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