Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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