The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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