yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
