so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
