i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
