Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
