New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
