I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
