Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
