He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
