Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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