i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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