That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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