dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
