look no pants
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
