You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
