I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
