Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
