I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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