Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
