I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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