quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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