sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
