Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
