I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
