I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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