Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
