ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you never un-have a 4some
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
