just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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