Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
