tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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