I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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