May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
