so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
