so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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