I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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