I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
