I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
