I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
