My liver just broke up with me...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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