she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
