Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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