Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
