I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
