I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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