Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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