Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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