i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
