Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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