One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
