her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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