I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
