Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
