It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
