im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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