I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
