What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
