I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
